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So weapos;re getting dinner at macdonalds tonight on the way out. Obviously iapos;m trying to be reasonable and not let it freak me out.

Iapos;m failing. I canapos;t really get off without eating if my mum is there. I donapos;t want to give anyone any ammunition to use against me. I donapos;t want them to shout at me and call me "ana". Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

There are some things that outsiders just really donapos;t understand. I donapos;t blame them but it upsets me when people are so insensitive. You canapos;t comment on someone elses food habits. You just fucking canapos;t. You canapos;t fucking judge someone for how/what they eat. Itapos;s not funny or smart or "not a big deal". It pisses me off so fucking much.

I feel like i have no fucking privacy because all we do is watch each other eat. I hate when people think itapos;s ok to slag me off for not eating in public. I feel so fucking moritified. I swear if it keeps happening then iapos;m just going to start skipping meals together. Fuck this socialising shit. Itapos;s not worth feeling like a fucking loser for the rest of the day after.

Jesus 330 calories in medium fries....i donapos;t even care that much about the numbers itapos;s the gross shit that i have to eat god seriously why do people want junk like that in their systems. Do they fucking LIKE the idea of grease and fat?? seriously i DONT�GET�IT

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Ok whatever iapos;ll be ok. Iapos;ll just be extra violent with the emokids tonight. Burn off that gross fat. Ew ew ew ew. Itapos;ll be fine itapos;s just for tonight. Iapos;ll be good.

Tonight is going to be perfect. I refuse to let anything ruin tonight.
xoxo

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The teenage boy sat shaking, his breathing uneven, his heart racing. His hands trembled as he reached for his pockets, eventually locating the item he was searching for so desperately. His life source, his drug, his addiction. He popped off the cap, and emptied the 7 mismatched pills into the palm of his sweaty hand. His vision was blurred and his mind was a jumble, all he knew was that one of these pills would save him.

He took the first pill, and a million swords stabbed into his body in every pore and every inch. The pain was unimaginable, and he released a wordless scream as he bent over, his nostrils flared and his teeth digging into his lips, drawing blood. Wrong pill.

He quickly swallowed the second pill, and just as quickly as it had hit him, the pain subsided. Instead, he felt completely numb. His limbs were frozen over, his body was weightless. He was but a feather, blown whichever way the wind decided. He felt himself smile, and at that instant he knew that it wasnapos;t over yet. The doom was still there.

He took the third pill, and the calmness vanished. Instead there was just panic. Blind panic in the most horrible way. What pill did he take? Was it the red one? Most likely. His eyes looked at the other pills, sweat dribbling down his face. Which one would save him? The yellow one? The capsule? The one that had been half destroyed? He gripped his shaggy hair as he stared holes into the pills, so unsure and undecided.

So he closed his eyes and swallowed another. He opened his eyes, and the world was funny looking. Purple snakes flew through the air, while polka dot trees serenaded the spiders, who in turn weaved moving webs on to their leaves. He laughed as the air tickled his eyelashes, sending shivers down his spine. He looked up, and the clouds loomed over him. But they werenapos;t evil, just watching. Protecting him, perhaps.

He took the fifth pill and his pupils widened. He focused so intensely on the two remaining pills, it was like he could see every detail and every etch. He was afraid to look away in case something more interesting captured his gaze. One of these pills would save him. One of these pills would end this immortal suffering he was facing.

He took the second last pill. Nothing. If anything he just felt more active. It mustapos;ve been a sugar pill.

A nervous grin went on his face. He held the last pill between his fingers, eying it hungrily. Finally, finally his angel had approached. Just as he was about to receive the blessing of blessings, he heard shouts. Someone rammed into him, knocking the pill from his hand.

The boy was pulled away, his screams of protest falling on deaf ears as he was dragged away to the institute, the cyanide pill falling to the ground with a dull thud.
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�Iapos;ve had a super busy week so Iapos;l try to make this quick.


Beyond the Re-Animator


The Flesh Eaters


Halloween II







Jeepers Creepers


Rob Zombieapos;s Halloween




In other news, Wednesday night I got to go to an advance screening of Kevinapos;s Smith Zack and Miri make a Porno. It was a fun movie but it wasnapos;t a signature Kevin movie which kinda bummed me out a little but I�still enjoyed it. I completely fell in love with Zackapos;s character and within the first 15 minutes in the movie I thought, damn, I need to find me someone who can be tastefully vile and vulgar like him. Oh well.�

Friday night, instead of watching a horror movie, I went out to a comedy club and saw a 3-D (even though I think itapos;s 4-D) horror musical called Friday the Halloweenth. It was sooo much fuckinapos; fun. I read about it and I�heard the audience gets sprayed with fake blood. I was sold on that alone. When I�went there I refused a plastic bag to wear and I�sat in the front center. I�was the only one with a bag. Haha I rule. I only got squirted with a little blood and during a number about how pent up the main actor was and how we wanted to "get wet" I was squirted with a penis water gun. I havenapos;t had that much fun in ages Haha. Better than staying in and watching a movie.�

So this weekend is the 24 hour marathon. So Iapos;m looking forward to that and Iapos;m hoping I�can make it through without sleeping. Well, my main concern is my back has been hurting me a lot lately and those seats are more uncomfortable than anyone can realize. There is a place near by that has one of those back massaging chairs that I think I might hit up either before the show to help me or after to help after the brutal hours are over. Weapos;ll see.

Till Next time.�


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I decided to take a little walk around the gayborhood today, since I knew it would be relatively quiet. Itapos;s a Sunday, and itapos;s the afternoon. I was out for a few hours, regardless of the cooler temperature outside. The walk was fine. I was a little lonely, but at the same time, I think I needed time alone for a while, which is why I went out by myself in the first place.

Then on my way back, I just happened to run right into Andrew rushing on his way to work. He has tunnel vision when he walks on the street, so he didnapos;t see me when I was getting ready to cross the street to avoid him. He showed up right when I was feeling my least confrontational, so if I actually managed to get his attention, I wouldnapos;t have known how to react or what to say to him, assuming heapos;d give me the time, since he was on his way to work...walking relatively fast.

Itapos;s going to take me a little while to get over seeing his face without fuming. I hate it when I have to be that pissed off at anyone I actually liked at some point. I think what really gets me about this, period, is the fact that it ruined my walk entirely. Itapos;s almost like spending an entire day building a tower, but someone pulls a fucking Jenga on you, and the whole thing collapses.

Iapos;ll probably get over this in the next half-hour. Let me go get some Cherry Coke to drown my rage.

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-----Original Message-----
From: gumma
To: Kimba Savage
Subject: Re:
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:50:04 +1100

Nawww.
It will be fine baby... I know you werenapos;t whinging for no reason. It was a biiiiggg bite.

Baby. Im so tired
Im gonna have to sleep.
Soooo.........

GOOD NIGHT MY AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL BABY.
I had theeee best couple of days with you even though we didnapos;t do much. It was just good to be with you. I want that every weekend :D

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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Sorry I�didnapos;t get a chance to post a "real"�post yesterday because I stayed out at volunteering longer than I thought and got back kind of late. Also I was super tired so I�went to bed not long after.

Iapos;m doing chemistry homework in one of UW�libraries right now. Midterms are coming up and tons of homework Yep, chemistry is taking over my weekend.

Well this was a distraction blog again, now back to work work work

Oh, by the way, the library Iapos;m at reminds me of Harry Potter because it looks like part of Hogwarts or something, so many of us call it the "Harry Potter Library."�XD

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Wow. So today, my friend told me she didnapos;t like this girl in our class and i asked why; my friend said sheapos;s an attention seeker because she goes round telling people sheapos;s ana.

itapos; kind of shocked me because i remember ages ago, she pointed out my red beaded bracelet and said apos;oh, we matchapos; or something and i noticed she had a beaded red bracelet too. I remember thinking at that time apos;should i hint about ana?apos; but i didnapos;t know how so i left it, anyways...

i never thought sheapos;d be ana tbh. She seems�so confident and happy and sheapos;s not exactly skin and bones either
(itapos;s not that sheapos;s fat, itapos;s just that sheapos;s no alice burdeu)
it just doesnapos;t...fit her. Such a terrible disorder that is.
anyways, has anyone here ever had this happen to them?
did you approach that person about it?
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Got my copies of the Rook v2 yesterday -- very spiffy. Wild Cat has gone to a slightly larger size to enhance the pulp look and I�kinda like it. The production values are wonderful. The 2nd edition of The Rook v1 will be done with the same enhanced features.

Went to bed in the 6th inning last night with the Rays up 5-0. Things looked like they were done. Got up this morning and saw the Red Sox had won 8-7. I�like the Sox and usually pull for them but Iapos;m hoping the Rays finish the improbable season with a championship. They kinda remind of the 1991 Braves.

Obama seems in command of the presidential race but I wonapos;t relax until election day has passed. A lot of his support is based in young people and minorities, both of which historically are unrealiable when it comes to getting to the polls. If everyone shows up who says theyapos;re voting for him, weapos;re fine. If not... Ugh.

Got tickets to see the Leafs vs. The Thrashers on December 22. Iapos;ve been hitting at least one Thrashers game a year for awhile now but my # 1 team is Toronto and scheduling has finally allowed me to see them on one of their visits. Canapos;t wait Thereapos;s been lots of talk about the NHL�expanding to Europe but I think there are too many obstacles. Now a European league sponsored by the NHL whose champion meets the North American champion for the Stanley Cup final? That *might*�be feasible, with no interleague play aside from all-star games and the finals (like the old National League/American League baseball split). Fun to think about, anyway.
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I began my journey here based on a simple reference from one of the coordinators of the careextenders program. Who wouldapos;ve thought i could experience so much and feel so much from a simple unit. Here i shall try to recount those valuable moments, hoping to preserve the original emotions of the time.

the twitching leg: the patientapos;s leg twitched and twitched and twitched. It was almost strange to sit in the presence of someone who could not control the simple motor skills of his legs. Itapos;s a blessing to have the simple motion we do. Surprises come in all colors, and here, the staff was forced to deal with something simple. But you know, the small issues all need quick, critical thinking.

the angiograms/angioplasties: it was such a simple procedure. And as the techs and doctors lead me through the procedure, i began to marvel at medicine. How such a quick simple procedure can reach the heart that keeps us alive. How such a procedure can elongate someoneapos;s chance to live.

the icd/pacemaker: once again, the simplicity marvels me. The beauty of entering the body so minimally and giving someone the chance to live not once but many times over. Whether we have the right to this power, i will never know.

the joint commission: the fear, and the excitement all wrapped into one moment had my blood running. This is not just a job you show up to. It is a job you must perfect. These are lives... And you are constantly being judged.

aids/hepatitis b: i was not afraid. But i felt a sudden bit of tension as i noticed the tension. Gloves were carefully placed, and all of the sudden i become afraid. I treated him kinder to almost compensate the fear. It is still knew terrain, and i feel i have a lot of growing up to do in terms of dealing with the unknown.

the death: this, of all things i experienced, was the most powerful. I still donapos;t know what to say about it. I saw him go from life to death. And the powerlessness i felt... I hope I never have to feel again.
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